If you have any questions or comments to ask James Williams about his work on autism or anything else, and do not like or prefer not to use e-mail, you may ask them here. I will try to answer them whenever I can.
If you have any questions or comments to ask James Williams about his work on autism or anything else, and do not like or prefer not to use e-mail, you may ask them here. I will try to answer them whenever I can.
August 25, 2007 at 1:39 pm |
I have a 3 year old boy; his name is Nelson and has autism. His teacher told me that my boy has been defiant from following routines at school especially during snack time. She said that Nelson refuses to sit properly when eating and that there are times that the entire session is spent just making him sit on his chair. Of course such sessions end with Nelson screaming, battling against his teacher and the aide. My question is, do routines, if they have been structured, have to be strictly followed? I have a feeling that Nelson does not understand why he is asked to sit to eat his snacks. We have observed him though that he sits when he eats whenever he is really motivated to eat – and that is when he is hungry. He was also reported crying and screaming at another session because he was asked to count 1-2-3. The teacher said she was happy that Nelson was able to utter “1-2-3″ at the end of the session but was continually crying and sobbing. Does learning speech happen among autistics this way?
August 30, 2007 at 2:12 pm |
Here is my response, based on the situation you have presented to me:
First, remember than even though I may give advice that may work for your child with autism, that does not mean you will be able to convince the teachers at your school to implement any suggestions. While there are many open-minded educators out there, many teachers still have their minds closed to ideas that are widely accepted by autism researchers as the proper way of helping autistic children. Autism authority Dr. Brenda Smith Myles calls this the “research-practice gap,” and argues that a main problem in the field of autism is that even though she may write a paper about what needs to be done to help children with autism in schools, that doesn’t mean teachers will read it or practice what her and others’ research has concluded.
Why is Nelson refusing to sit properly when eating and screams when made to sit on his chair? There are many possibilities, but the simplest explanation would be that something on that chair is bothering him due to tactile sensitivities. We may not see it, and the chair might seem empty to us, but it likely bothers him. However, since the discussion involves “sitting properly,” that implies that he is sitting improperly. This could be because of a sensory problem. By “sitting improperly,” he is able to sit in the chair that does not bother him because of his sensory problems. By sitting properly, he feels immediate pain because of a sensation he feels sitting in his chair.
A second possibility lies in back problems. If he cannot sit properly, that may be because sitting properly is hurting his back, and he is trying to alleviate himself of the pain, either because he cannot sit straight, or because of how his body is constructed. This was a problem that I had when younger–it was downright painful to sit up.
Very few people will inflict pain on themselves if it truly hurt them. This is not autistic–this is something no person would do, and very few animals would do out of their own volition as well. Masochists who inflict pain on themselves typically do so because even if they feel hurt, they don’t perceive it as pain.
Imagine sitting on a chair with a series of improperly placed nails that stick out from its back. You would not want to rest your back on the part of the chair that had nails on it. To him, sitting properly in that chair would be similar to someone forcing a neurotypical person to sit in a chair of nails. I believe this is important to understand because many behaviors and/or symptoms of autism often have “neurotypical equivalents,” a term I would use to define a related situation that would cause a neurotypical person to react the same way.
In my opinion, the solution here would be to not to make a big deal about it. One must pick their battles with autistic children. A problem, after all, is only a problem when someone makes it a problem. It’s the fault of the school here for making a big deal over whether or not.
The teacher and the aide needs to lighten up. Nelson is only three years old, after all. There are far more important things they should be worrying about, like socializing. The ideal solution is just to stop forcing him to sit properly. If that is beyond the mindset of the staff in his classroom, however, then you might want to consider putting a cushion or pillow on the seat or back of his chair to see if the problem really is sensory-related to something on the chair, or something he can sit on. If other children in his class ask why he has that, just explain that he has special needs or is disabled.
You asked if routines, if they have been structured, have to be strictly followed. No, they don’t, but schools often stress that they do. This is because of a widely held theory that autistic people must have structure in order to feel secure in their lives. This is part of the official diagnostic criteria used to diagnose autism (in the DSM-IV), and is believed by many autism authorities and even argued by people with autism themselves.
I, however, take a different view toward the “structure theory.” I will not deny that there are many autistic people who are looking for structure out there. However, I believe that this does not tell the whole story, and does not explain the situation that occurs in all cases of autism. Consider–school, as you have noted, if by far one of the most rigid, structured institutions in the world. Yet school causes some of the most misery in the life of the autistic child. This in itself has led me to argue that structure in itself isn’t what people with autism are looking for. Otherwise, school would be a great place for people with autism.
My opinion is that structure is not what autistic people are looking for, it’s the security that the structure brings. But the structure of school often brings misery and pain that, because of the “structure,” the autistic child cannot get out of. Thus, structure in school should not be strictly followed, and it doesn’t have to be–that’s just what the school administrators believe has to happen. If a given structure isn’t working, it should be changed–with an alternative structure. Autistic people do indeed need structure, but because of the security it provides, not because it is structure. Should all of structure cause misery to an autistic person, they might want or actually thrive in a non-structured environment. That is the experience I have had as I have in many situations when the alternative–structure–inflicted suffering or discomfort for me, or offered something I did not want at the time.
Food as a motivator to enable sitting is not autistic–that’s an instinct in most humans. All of us need to eat, after all. If the chose was starvation versus pain while sitting, most of us would sit through the pain if we were starving tod eath. It is, however, something that should raise eyebrows as this is not always the case with autistic children. The fact that he is willing to eat versus be hungry is impressive–some autistic children will starve if they can’t eat in the way they want to. When I was five years old, I was such a picky eater that I routinely starved myself if I was not served the few foods I liked, and didn’t drink a drop of water until I was seven. How I survived without dying due to malnutrition, dehydration, or starvation is a miracle in itself.
On learning speech among autistics…
Learning speech does happen among autistic individuals with sobbing and crying. Typically, it’s because they’re not ready yet they have to learn in order to meet the expectations of their school classroom. Because of school’s rigid expectations and the power society gives it to force learning against a child’s will, problems that are not apparent in children before they attend school often appear once they enter school, even in kindergarten (which is now considered by many teachers and many schools to be an academic grade, and is often taught like one). In my biography, it is said that I volunteered at a child care center. Later I became an intern in a kindergarten classroom. Almost half of the students I worked with in that classroom were students I already knew from the child care center. What I saw as the year progressed was how some of the students, having seemed normal at the child care center, became “problem children” in the classroom, and had extreme difficulty meeting the social and academic needs of the kindergarten classroom. Some of them even qualified for special services after their problems became so apparent in the classroom.
Another possibility is because of auditory sensitivity–Nelson may just be bothered and feels pain when he hears even his own voice, and does not like hearing himself speak. This is likely because, as you noted, he is able to count despite sobbing through it. For this, I recommend therapies like Auditory Integration Training or other listening therapies to help him with his auditory problems. A cheaper approach would be to teach him how to wear earplugs or to get the teachers, if possible, to allow him to wear headphones that are designed to reduce the sound inputs in half during the school day. If you are sound sensitive and hear things much louder than others, that reduction in half may actually enable you to have the hearing of a regular person, so you should not be concerned unless he actually exhibits an inability to hear others that he may not hear things that are important for him to hear.
Finally, remember that what I have said may not necessarily apply to your child, entirely or in the way I have said it. Autism is so variable that nothing–no explanation, no solution, etc.–can be taken as an absolute that will help all children with autism. Remember this quote that is often repeated by many autism authorities–”He who has seen one autistic person has seen just that–one autistic person.”
March 20, 2008 at 10:10 am |
well done, man
May 17, 2008 at 5:56 am |
james, i have a question for you.
My son was diagnosed with a mild form of autism, and as many autistic children do, the throw tantrums when you tell them no, however my son likes to hit or scratch me or my wife when we tell him no followed by a tantrum, our son is 3 but very strong, but we are afraid as he gets bigger he may hurt someone, what is your suggestion in trying to redirect this behavior? Another question, i liked your speeches, when is the next time you will be speaking in michigan, or how do we go about requesting you?
-sean hart
May 22, 2008 at 4:04 am |
Sean,
There’s no denying tantrums are difficult. I myself at that age threw many tantrums myself, and would refuse to socialize with most people.
One thing, however, that needs to be reminded is that unlike typical children, most tantrums that occur with an autistic person are not based on being a “spoiled” brat or merely trying to get attention. Also, many times, when they say “no” to you or have a tantrum, they’re refusing to do something that typically hurts them or causes them phyiscal distress, or they just don’t understand why they have to do it (and not understanding why you have to do something is sometimes very stressful for autistic people).
The solution toward resolving tantrums is to try your best, when the next tantrum comes, to try to figure out what happened beforehand to cause the tantrum. Typically tantrums don’t come out of the blue with autistic children–they only seem to be that way if you don’t know what caused them in the first place. Hitting and scratching occurs often because the child, desperate to get what he needs or to get out of something miserable, hopes that by engaging in such violent activities he’ll get out of what’s bothering him, or he’ll be able to communicate to you something he needs to communicate.
What is your child’s verbal ability? Can he talk normally, or is he nonverbal? If he is nonverbal, then he may be engaging in tantrums because that’s one of the sole ways he’s able to communicate his needs. When you cannot talk, after all, or have impaired speech, you have to rely on other ways of communicating to get what you need. Sometimes that communication also involves engaging in violent acts.
What is your child’s ability on understanding language? Sometimes a person can be nonverbal yet still understand other people’s language. If he can understand what you are saying, and/or can talk, try to talk to him. Explain to him that even though he may be sad and can cry and pout all he wants, it is not right for him to hit and scratch you, because it hurts.
However, if he cannot understand what you are saying, then you need to go about it differently. Since he’s likely not going to be able to stop hitting you, your best bet is to try to see what is compelling him to hit you and scratch you, and to find out what is upsetting him. That way you can try your best to eliminate as many possible situations that upset him as possible. This is not an easy task at times, I must admit, and there are times when he’s going to have to do things that upset him. In that case, you might just want to put on protective gear. I have seen autistic kids who have gloves on or sportswear typically worn by athletes to protect them and others from their violent acts. Sometimes kids wear helmets. If he truly cannot be controlled, and he’s hurting you, by forcing him to put on gloves, mitts, or hand protectors, you can ease the discomfort you might be feeling when he hits and scratches.
Those are my suggestions. They may not work, but this is what I have to say. You can write back with more information if you want to.
As for speaking in Michigan–no, I currently do not have any more michigan engagements planned. I basically go where agencies ask me to go. However, if you want me to come back to michigan, here’s how you’d do that:
1. Find a local agency or place where you can hold the lecture, such as a school, church, or library. You could also hold it in a person’s house if necessary.
2. E-mail me the location, time, and date you want me to lecture. Then, pay my speaking fee and travel expenses. I charge $100 for speaking, plus I ask that my travel expenses are reimbursed (travel, hotel). However, I do not ask, or take food reimbursements.
3. I will need to get to whatever location via a nearby train or bus stop, and to be picked up and taken to and from the speaking location from the bus stop, and then to the hotel. If, however, public transportation is available in the area, I will take that on my own.
4. I may need to stay overnight if I travel to Michigan. Therefore, I will either need to stay in a resident’s home, or at a hotel. If I am staying in a hotel, I ask to be reimbursed for it.
That is how I can be requested or return to Michigan to lecture.
June 19, 2008 at 5:46 am |
Somehow i missed the point. Probably lost in translation
Anyway … nice blog to visit.
cheers, Preform.
July 18, 2008 at 12:48 am |
Hi I just read your ten commandments. No questions, just a thank you.
Cheers
October 9, 2008 at 3:19 am |
Hi,
I am advocating for a college student who has submitted a request of 504 accommodations at the university. How do I describe a “meltdown” is not just an act of violence and destruction. My client has meltdowns that are soley a withdrawal, crying, depression event not a violent event.
Thanks
November 27, 2008 at 4:06 am |
Hattie,
I wrote a reply for your response, yet for some reason my blog didn’t post it. I apologize for the delay.
I have an essay I have written discussing the nature of meltdowns, in my opinion, at this URL: http://www.jamesmw.com/meltdown.htm
Titled “A Neurotypical Meltdown,” this essay covers the nature of meltdowns by example–of a girl who is not autistic, yet melted down went put in a stressful situation.
James
November 27, 2008 at 4:07 am |
Just so you know, jimmy5011 is the username of “James Williams.”
December 19, 2008 at 3:49 am |
Hi James,
I am so grateful to have come across your website! For the past 6 months I have been in a relationship with a boy who has autism and since we’ve been dating it has been wonderful, but extremely difficult. We are both in college (he’s 19 and I’m one year older) and to better understand him, I have gone online and found a plethora of information about autism. It has helped me understand him tremendously.
It also helps that we’ve known each other since we were in grade school, so I’ve always known about his autism.
However, I’ve come up empty handed when trying to find information specificly on relationships between non-autistic and autistic people.
So I have a few questions for you which I hope you may have an answer to:
For the first few months of the relationship, I saw him only at night, and probably at most 3 times a week. He was always full of energy and completely loving – hugging, kissing, and he has no problem with physical affection.
Now it has lessened. Since it is winter vacation and we are home from college, we have seen each other almost every day (and night) and suddenly, I feel like he’s always tired and wanting to take naps. The physical affection has lessened. Sometimes he will just talk in monotone for an hour and not touch me at all, making it seem as if he weren’t interested in me… and then the next moment he’ll surprise me by wanting to hug or hold hands. Is this a sign of becoming “comfortable” with our relationship, or does this mean it’s falling apart?
I also heard that people with autism have less energy than other people, and therefore simple social interactions, like being around your girlfriend all day and all night, can take a toll on their emotions. Is that why he is becomes stone-like and cold after I’ve spent all day with him?
He’s completely honest with me, which I love, but sometimes it’s still hard for me to believe him when he says “Of course I’m still happy in this relationship”, because I don’t see the happiness in his face! So I always feel as if something is wrong and he constantly has to remind me that he’s fine.
Frankly, it has been very difficult because I don’t know how to act around him sometimes. Should i just give him space? I still believe that he cares about me, but he rarely shows it anymore, and when he wants to hang out, he asks me in a formal manner as if I were a mere aquaintance.
We have quite a lot in common, but at the same time, we are very different emotionally. And sometimes it’s downright frustrating.
Do you have any advice? I really do love him, but I don’t know how to show it. And I don’t know how people with autism express love, or how to reciprocate.
I apologize for the long comment. I just haven’t found any other websites that would help me better understand him… and I don’t want to change him. I just want to know what is going on in his mind, which would then ease my frustration.
Thanks so much!
February 1, 2009 at 2:25 pm |
Briana,
I apologize for not writing back for so long. I have been extremely busy this past month, and I also have had some social dilemmas occur as well. Then there has been non-stop nights workign in a theater, as well as semester finals. I apologize for not writing back until now, when I am free.
Dating is sometimes a very difficult thing for autistic people to do. Many autistic people never even understand what it means to date. Some believe that you’re dating just when you hang out with a person of the opposite sex–even though many times, you’re actually just friends. Autistic individual Temple Grandin, in her book “Thinking in Pictures” has written that dating is so complex for some autistic individuals, including herself, that it is impossible for some to do. She also has written that she is so scared of messing up when dating that she has chosen to never date.
Then there are autistic people who understand what dating is, but don’t have the emotional feelings to date. Autism sometimes blocks the ability to love or have interest in dating. They sometimes, as a result, are “asexual”–meaning they have no interest in dating or sex. Or they may be interest in dating, but no interest in having sex.
You have mentioned that this problem started when you saw him every day. Starting to see someone daily can have that impact on someone. Sometimes people with autism have less energy to socialize, as you mentioned. Other times, however, they need their space, and it is difficult for them to hang out with someone daily. Maybe he could give physical affection when it was 3 times a week, but he’s not able to daily. He could need his space. I know that sometimes I hang out with my friends a lot, and they sometimes need their space.
The fact that he says he’s still happy in this relationship and that he’s fine means you probably shouldn’t worry. Even though there’s an old saying “A girl who says she’s fine is not,” most autistic people are truthful. When an autistic male says he’s fine, he probably is. Try giving him space, and be open about it. Ask him if he needs his space, and see what he says. See what happens. If you two want to keep this relationship, then try your best to communicate with each other. I can tell from your comment that the relationship is mutual.
As for being formal, acting formal is a way autistic people sometimes act instinctively. Because socializing is often difficult for autistic people, acting formal is often a way autistic people act when they don’t know what to behave. They think that by being formal, they know they will not socially mess up. He’ll probably become less formal when he is more relaxed.
Well, those are my ideas. I hope your relationship works out well.